MAS (Motorcycling Addiction
|Even more serious than the mania for chocolate is the growing epidemic
of MAS, or Motorcycling Addiction Syndrome. Don't laugh because you might
be its next victim. .
How many of these apply to you?
If you answered 'yes' to three or more of these questions, you may be a motorcycle
addict. Affirmative responses to five or more indicates a serious problem...professional
help is strongly advised.
Abusers become withdrawn, uninterested in society or normal relationships. They
fantasize, creating alternative worlds to occupy, to the neglect of friends and
family. In severe cases they develop bad posture from riding in awkward positions
or carrying heavy tool bags. In the worst instances, they become cranky bike
mechanics in small towns.
Recent Harvard studies have established that heredity plays a considerable role
in determining whether a person will become an abuser of motorcycles. Most abusers
have at least one parent who abused motorcycles, often beginning at an early
age and progressing into adulthood. Many spouses or significant others of an
addict become addicts themselves.
Fathers or mothers who are road race fans, collectors, or heavy leather
wearers; parents who do not encourage children to play team games, voraciously
read Rider and Motorcyclist magazines, or watch Speedvision
in the evening.
Premarital screening, counseling, and referral to adoption agencies is urged in order to break the chain of abuse. One-percenters in particular should seek partners active in other fields. Children should be encouraged to seek physical activity by joining teams, and to avoid isolation and morbid introspection. Proximity to road maps and National Geographic magazines should be restricted. Keep two-stroke oil securely locked away and out of reach. Playing cards inserted into bicycle spokes must be looked upon as a primary initial symptom, as should inadvertent twitching of the right wrist and incessant muttering of the syllables "Udden-Udden." Children noted exhibiting a 'thousand yard stare' in the direction of a setting sun are likewise considered candidates for early intervention. A preference for tiny boots and multi-colored leather diapers indicates incipient 'motorcycle madness' and requires urgent, immediate treatment if any semblance of normality is ever to be achieved.
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